Friday 12 June 2015

The toffs are caught out again..


Once again our 'betters' are caught red-handed in a ploy to supply the coming, as yet still illegal, hunts with guaranteed victims.



Police raided a barn near to the Middleton Hunt Kennels in Malton, North Yorkshire to uncover evidence of fox cubs, aged six to eight weeks, held in appalling conditions; for the purpose of bringing about their destruction during the hunting season.

Click here for BBC News





This, despite the pathetic, patronising excuses made by those responsible, should be enough to see the end of this grotesque pantomime for the privileged once and for all..

... in a civilised country...


However, we don't appear to live in a civilised country....


How many £millions have been spent in political bribes, lobbying, campaigning, protesting?
How many people have suffered imprisonment and had their lives peered into and monitored by secret services; treated like terrorists, political subversives, enemies of the state?

FOR WHAT ??

So the idle rich can take pleasure in the torture and mutilation of small woodland creatures...

For every 10 country folk who support the hunt... because the hunt supports them!
... there are 10 more who do not.... The lie that the hunt is pest/population control is tired and insulting to our intelligence.

Before you scream 'typical townie' at me... take this into regard....
My family have worked the Northumbrian countryside for generations from, at least, c1600 - beyond that they were north of the border in Scotland.


 This argument is not about town vs country.... it's about humanity vs cruelty



Them and Us...



Thursday 11 June 2015


Requiescat in pace Christopher Lee

Dead at the age of 93
By all accounts he did alright
...For a man of his height...


Tuesday 5 May 2015

As a point of interest... why don't bicyclists have mirrors? They're useful for seeing what's behind and act as an occasional reminder that the individual is dawdling about on a road with an assortment of very heavy objects piloted with varying degrees of suicidal incompetence.
The problem with this and every other law in favour of cyclists is that whereas the car driver, motorcyclist etc is required to pass a rigorous testing process; pay tax and insurance, the cyclist is not - and can, with no other qualification except to demonstrate the ability to negotiate a set of plastic cones at primary school, take to the road on something approximating an upgraded clothes-horse on pram wheels.
They don't know what's around them, what's behind them, and believe it is acceptable behaviour to cause tailbacks while they dither about at 5 mph yacking to their buddy.
They are as reckless and unaware entering the road from the pavement, and suddenly sweeping across the lane after remembering they live up that side street they passed 5 seconds ago, as they are deluded into thinking that the apparent absence of any legal requirement to equip a peddle-propelled clothes-horse with a mirror somehow renders themselves immune to the earthly laws of physics, common sense and the Universal Law of English Courtesy that every other poor sod has to adhere to in order to stay alive long enough to get home.
Maybe if they had a mirror they would perhaps heel-over - therefore creating a mutually agreeable arrangement where the facilitation of an overtaking manoeuvre can by an otherwise mutually joyous experience.
Of course... this does not apply to everyone, cycles or motorist. It only applies to the stupid ones in both camps; of whom there are many and who appear to be in the majority.
Motorists can pass their test and use the ensuing years on the open road to really hone their incompetence and discourtesy skills. The particular law which requires the motorist to enter the oncoming lane in order to overtake just gives them the excuse to risk head-on collision with opposing traffic... which happens... every day... every time there is a bicycle on the road. ,, because they are imbeciles and no by-law, statute, threat of death or appeal to their innate sense of fairness and consideration for their fellow man/woman et al.. will penetrate that thick skull all the way to the pea-sized kernel, barely functioning as an engine shed for their primitive nervous system.
It is a waste of time, in my opinion, implementing laws which simply aren't thought out. If a person hasn't the mental capacity to realise that overtaking a bicycle requires a level of consideration for everyone on the road then they should not be on the road themselves. Similarly the cyclist, who thinks it's his/her inalienable human right to take a Sunday diddle along a major thoroughfare with a 3 month old child duct-taped to the luggage rack should also be excluded... and quite possibly arrested ( in my opinion) and stoned to death !!
What we should be doing is prosecuting against stupidity. Not making laws that just allow the stupid to legitimise their stupidity, by allowing them room to exercise their judgement of a situation that is beyond their understanding.
Using the road isn't a right... it has to be earned...
This was brought to you by a motorist who is constantly confronted by motorists head-on, while they overtake cyclists in the on-coming lane.

Wednesday 25 February 2015

Gung Hey Fat Choy


to our oriental friends here and oversees.

OK.. I'm a bit late..


Anyhoo... Funny the things you remember eh?
We had a big, square biscuit tin when I was a nipper. It was pink with 2 dragons chasing the fiery pearl. I was fascinated with it.



 Long before I studied Wing Chun and the spicy delights of the Chan family takeaway menu... the only thing I knew of China at age 8 was the Water Margin on TV (which was really Japanese) and this biscuit tin with it's amazing design of scaly dragons and intricate patterns.
I remember thinking one day as I fished around for the last Jammy Dodger..
'I wonder if China smells of biscuits?''

Monday 9 February 2015

All in the past, right?

12 Years A Slave

A deep and ponderous re-telling of a true story of kidnap, slavery, racism, inhuman brutality and the misery of the human condition. Not the typical Hollywood outpouring of wise-cracking characters and unnecessarily loud bangs, it delves into the hopelessness of life on the plantations in the deep Southern states of America.
Brilliantly acted and directed, 12 Years A Slave well deserves the accolades and positive critique laid upon it, BUT... have we actually learned anything from it?



What does it say about a country that only past a black civil rights bill approx 50 years ago? That educates its citizens on how Mr Lincoln freed the slaves; how the racist South should be forever held in shameful regard for their single-handed perpetration of the dehumanisation of millions of black slaves and their descendants; and how important lessons have been learned and human rights put into statute, so that never again should the beast in human nature rise to dominate another.

... a bit like how America settled its account with 100 million dead Indians..

The Boarding School System
Forced Sterilisations
Forced Assimilation
Enforced Poverty
Institutionalised Racism
State Sponsored Forced Adoption
...... and on it goes....

Saturday 7 February 2015

The Way of Cha

Largely translated from ancient Chinese texts, for centuries buried in the banks of the Huangpu tributary of the Chang Jiang River, unwittingly discovered in 1867 by the Duchess of Gladstone's favourite Pekingese searching for a secluded place to bury the remains of the housemaid, the art of tea preparation should not only, through years of painstaking practical study, become a way of transcending the infinite in such a way as to not cause the slightest ripple in the celestial fabric of the mystical Vale of Heaven, and teach the student the indefatigable Laws of Being, by which all things material and non-material must obey, lest the universal be hurled into a spiralling abyss of darkening unrealities 



- but, should also create within the household, an aura of lightness and harmony that emanates from the teapot to the practitioner, nourishing his banjo and stiffening the resolve of his djabula beads, thus easing the transition from compliant disciple to master of the Omnipotent Pot.
So think on when you next chuck a teabag in your cracked mug, ... ignorant bastards..

Friday 6 February 2015

DEFINITION OF THE DAY

Celebrity:The lust for acceptance of the unacceptable



What is it about US politicians' hair?

Just what is going on with bigwigs' hair these days?
I mean... it's immense!


The 'austeriy' (read: poverty) that is imposed on the majority of us appears to have the opposite effect on our great leaders' turf;  the more we suffer the thicker, more luxuriant it grows.

Take John Kerry here - Massachusetts Senator and unashamed Grand Bouffant-silverado; currently going rug to rugski with the Russian Hare (see what I did there?) in a delicate series of quiff-offs over their use of banned hairspray propellants in Ukraine.



John Kerry illustrating the depth of his senatorial thatch.

Putin has his shirt-off-fishing-for-capitalist-subversives-while-holding-his-horse-in-a-judo-headlock action-type-macho photos to prove his manhood - US politicians have massive hair - MASSIVE HAAAIIIIRRRRRRRR !


So how does one attain such a huge rug? It can't possibly be natural! The fact that it stands proud of the scalp by a matter of inches suggest it's lineage is more Axminster than Westminster (yes, I know that's not American but, it's my blog!)

Hair so large that it has to be lowered on a huge A-frame, while the recipient squats beneath it like a medieval knight attempting docking procedure with his great war helm, and like the talking hat in the Harry Potter books, has to be firmly seated on the wearer's noggin before it can impart it's follicle wisdom to our undeserving ear.

As with everything politicians do, you just know they've been told to look that way, don't you! You just know a spotty little gonk has designed a template out of hardboard, like a huge presidential shape-sorter that Kerry et al have to pass their heads through in order to comply with the exact dimensions as prescribed by the voting citizens of America.

I know of the existence of such a device as it was employed against a friend of a friend, who was barred from entering a night club, and whose hair, after having been scanned into a portable US patented 'RugoTronic' device, was deemed to be too implausibly wide for admission, and also in contravention of a number of articles under United Nations legislation.
The flames of controversy surrounding the refusal of Washington Redskins to change their insulting team name to something a little less homicidally gloating are, once again, fanned by comment from the team owner, Daniel Snyder, in which he claims the term redskin represents honour, pride and respect - despite the view of the enlightened world to the contrary.





The Oxford English Dictionary defines the term as a racial slur - insulting to Native Americans.
Ironically, under the term Daniel Snyder, the OED simply says '***t'.

Yes ok! this was back in Sept 2014 but the issue is ongoing and we need this dealt with once and for all..
Thank yooooo!

Wednesday 4 February 2015

VAX - Vacuums that suck

Let me just vent my spleen over the latest home purchase in the Geordie cave - a Vax vacuum.
Sold somewhat aggressively by eager beaver reps positioned in ambush formation upstairs in PcWorld (or pissyWorld as I prefer - more on (moron) that at a later date.

Ok, it wasn't as expensive as the shiny new Dyson thingy but, I was confidently reassured by the salesbody that all aspects of domestic vacuumery would be amply catered for with the new, sparkly Vax model.








Not so..... The external dust filter/cap flies off across the room, behaving like a clown car falling to bits upon ignition. It also periodically switches off, which appears to be a result of overheating. This is ironic somewhat, as it can't possibly be working up a sweat through over-exertion in the sucking department.Imagine, if you will, the latest Hollywood bagbuster movie Vacuum Club - 'What happens on the carpet stays on the carpet

**artistic paraphrasing was employed in the preceding statement**


Wish I'd bought the Dyson..



The vile murder of pilot Moaz al-Kasasbeh and other atrocities must surely spell the end of international efforts to piss around with Saudi Arabia, which sponsors terrorism from it's gleaming palaces safe in the knowledge it has our leaders by their greedy, complicit balls

Nicky Morgan, the Education Secretary, is drawing up proposals to reform the teaching of English in state schools so that every child masters the essential skills of reading, writing in an effort to promote the 'three R's'.


Presumably this is the wisdom behind the increasing inability of BBC reporters and announcers to pronounce their R's, and subverting our beautiful mother-tongue with 'Secatwee of the Enviwoment' and 'wowwying twends'

I'm not mocking folk with genuine speech impediment, which is neither a cause for embarrassment or shame; but rather the wilful oozing of deliberate mispronunciations into our language via supposed pillars of the establishment in the media, as if it is in any way progressive and correct.
Ignorance comes in many forms and creeps amongst us disguised as authority waiting to pounce on our trusting minds.

Friday 30 January 2015

Once again the Church of England and the Catholic Church seek to use their influence to interfere with due political process by pressuring the UK government to not pass a bill allowing mothers of genetically abnormal children the opportunity to rid themselves of this distressing condition.

Three-parent-baby-law-is-irresponsible-says-Church-of-England-ahead-of-vote.html

Yet another insight into how religion is constantly given a voice which effects everyone's lives, regardless of their personal beliefs, in a country that supposedly prides itself on it's lack of fundamentalism.

Another dismal glimpse into the Church's modern attitude to the right of women to have command over their own bodies.... where they have always been - medieval, oppressive and morally repugnant.


Still, the Church isn't all bad... after all it welcomed a new female bishop into it's ranks. Oh well, as one door on human rights is blocked by having a huge stone rolled in front of it... another one opens..

Tuesday 27 January 2015

Jan 27th 2015

The Church of England consecrated its first female 

bishop during a ceremony at York Minster yesterday.



Seen a ground-breaking moment for

 womankind, the church showed it can accept a female

 into it's own ranks, warts and all, without feeling

compelled to hang her from the nearest tree.



...............................................................................................................................


Saturday 24 January 2015

Weekend NewsRant

Weekend NewsRantJan 24th 2014

#GeordieT'sNewsRant

RAT PLAGUE RAVAGES FALKLANDS
Giant evil rats have invaded the islands of 
South Georgia, part of the Falklands, decimating local bird
populations. Not native to this part of the world, it is
understood the huge, brown horrors emerged from an 


abandoned ship containing ex PM Thatcher’s statue in a crate of heavily contaminated soil that mysteriously ran aground on nearby rocks.


.........................................................................................

BBC News Channel anchorwoman, Naga Munchetty announces
 her betrothal to mad inventor. 

After the ceremony she will be formally known as 



Naga Munchetty-Scrunchetty
- Boom! Boom!



............................................................................................

Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz has died. Still... 

..............................................................................................


THE ARTS

The new culturally cuddly movie re-working of the musical Annie is still causing a stir at the box office - particularly the scene where the Little Blind Matchgirl is apprehended by the police and throttled to death for selling dodgy cigarettes